Death and Taxes

 

Q:Did you pay your taxes?

 

A:Yes.

††††† We overpaid.

††††† We will get $69 back.

 

Q:Donít spend it all in one place.

 

A:No.A toaster oven.

 

Q:You have all the modern conveniences.

††††† A hot water heater.

††††† A microwave.

 

A:The microwave makes your hair fall out.I call it the Radar Range.

 

Q:Donít stand too close to it.

 

A:The same room.

††††† If I am gazing into a computer screen the computer screen is beaming electrons into me.

 

 

roth.jpg

 

 

Q:Soon, you can quit.

 

A:Sooner rather than later.

 

Q:A chimneysweep got cancer of the scrotum.

 

A:Soot wart.The first occupational carcinoma.

††††† What we do kills us, eventually.Doing it kills us.

 

Q:Daily typewriting killed him.

 

A:He had a good run.

††††† I think I would conclude (1) it did kill me.

††††† But (2) I had a good run.

 

Q:Blessed is the person who has found his or her work.

 

A:You have to do something.

††††† Or youíll sit in a recliner gunning through the channels, looking for something better to watch than what is on.

 

Q:Lies and bullshit.

 

A:Political propaganda and commercial advertisements.

††††† Sports talk shows.

††††† The golfing channel.

††††† I mean, playing golf is bad enough.

††††† But watching it on television?

 

Q:He died peacefully watching golf on television.

 

A:He died in his sleep.

††††† He went to sleep and didnít wake up.

 

Q:He died at his typewriter, writing.

††††† His head fell into the monitor screen.

 

A:He got up to take a leak and didnít come back.

††††† He fixed breakfast for himself and Brenda.

 

Q:Seven-grain cereal with yogurt and honey.

 

A:Eggs, grits, and side meat.Toast and jelly.

††††† Perhaps a fruit bread with cream cheese.Nuts and dried apricots.

 

Q:Add ďParadiseĒ to the end of of McGoonís Last Book:Daily Typewriting and call it over.

 

A:Roger.

 

Q:You didnít quit.You finished.

 

A:Roger.

††††† Write ď-30-Ē at the bottom.

 

 

-30-

 

 

Q:A total professional.

 

A:A total professional.

 

Q:That is, a complete amateur.

 

A:Didnít sell a word.

 

Q:Didnít win a grant, or a literary prize.

 

A:I gave myself a glass stopper off a Worcestershire sauce bottle.

 

 

stopper.jpg

 

 

Q:The Oxditch Prize.

 

A:When the ox is in the ditch, one rolls up his sleeves and gets to work.

 

Q:You put it in the end of your dick when you piss in the Amazon River.

 

A:To keep the platyhelminthes from swimming up your urethra, into your liver, and giving you schistosomiasis, or liver fluke disease.

 

Q:Yes.

††††† Women wear a tanga, or vagina cover.

††††† The tanga is also the name of a bikini in Rio.

 

 

tanga.jpg

 

 

A:I think a color picture adds something.

 

Q:So does a samba whistle.

 

 

whistle.jpg

 

 

A:I studied the kandomblť in Brazil in college.

 

Q:Yes, for a Directed Individual Study (DIS) on nativistic movements.

 

A:And now I have a coterie of steadfast readers, the Buzzard Cult.

 

Q:Low-one-, mid-one-figure.

 

A:A cult is small.

 

Q:Cult writer.

 

A:Pitiful.

 

Q:Actually, itís funny.

 

A:It is.

††††† When I think about it I laugh.

 

Q:Claude Lťvi-Strauss writes about the folly of ambition.

 

A:If Tristes Tropiques had been a novel, instead of a memoir, it would have won the Prix Goncourt.

 

Q:It took the form it took.

 

A:I donít know what form this one is.

 

Q:Thatís good.

 

A:Yes.All of them.Any of them.

 

Q:Daily typewriting.

 

A:Yes.

 

Q:I think itís a novel, like Ulysses.

 

A:One day in Leopold Bloomís life, walking around Dublin.

 

Q:Samuel Beckett knew where to get the best oysters in Paris.

 

A:Molloy, Malone Dies, and The Unnameable are funny.

 

 

 


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