Death and Taxes


Q:Did you pay your taxes?



††††† We overpaid.

††††† We will get $69 back.


Q:Donít spend it all in one place.


A:No.A toaster oven.


Q:You have all the modern conveniences.

††††† A hot water heater.

††††† A microwave.


A:The microwave makes your hair fall out.I call it the Radar Range.


Q:Donít stand too close to it.


A:The same room.

††††† If I am gazing into a computer screen the computer screen is beaming electrons into me.






Q:Soon, you can quit.


A:Sooner rather than later.


Q:A chimneysweep got cancer of the scrotum.


A:Soot wart.The first occupational carcinoma.

††††† What we do kills us, eventually.Doing it kills us.


Q:Daily typewriting killed him.


A:He had a good run.

††††† I think I would conclude (1) it did kill me.

††††† But (2) I had a good run.


Q:Blessed is the person who has found his or her work.


A:You have to do something.

††††† Or youíll sit in a recliner gunning through the channels, looking for something better to watch than what is on.


Q:Lies and bullshit.


A:Political propaganda and commercial advertisements.

††††† Sports talk shows.

††††† The golfing channel.

††††† I mean, playing golf is bad enough.

††††† But watching it on television?


Q:He died peacefully watching golf on television.


A:He died in his sleep.

††††† He went to sleep and didnít wake up.


Q:He died at his typewriter, writing.

††††† His head fell into the monitor screen.


A:He got up to take a leak and didnít come back.

††††† He fixed breakfast for himself and Brenda.


Q:Seven-grain cereal with yogurt and honey.


A:Eggs, grits, and side meat.Toast and jelly.

††††† Perhaps a fruit bread with cream cheese.Nuts and dried apricots.


Q:Add ďParadiseĒ to the end of of McGoonís Last Book:Daily Typewriting and call it over.




Q:You didnít quit.You finished.



††††† Write ď-30-Ē at the bottom.






Q:A total professional.


A:A total professional.


Q:That is, a complete amateur.


A:Didnít sell a word.


Q:Didnít win a grant, or a literary prize.


A:I gave myself a glass stopper off a Worcestershire sauce bottle.






Q:The Oxditch Prize.


A:When the ox is in the ditch, one rolls up his sleeves and gets to work.


Q:You put it in the end of your dick when you piss in the Amazon River.


A:To keep the platyhelminthes from swimming up your urethra, into your liver, and giving you schistosomiasis, or liver fluke disease.



††††† Women wear a tanga, or vagina cover.

††††† The tanga is also the name of a bikini in Rio.






A:I think a color picture adds something.


Q:So does a samba whistle.






A:I studied the kandomblť in Brazil in college.


Q:Yes, for a Directed Individual Study (DIS) on nativistic movements.


A:And now I have a coterie of steadfast readers, the Buzzard Cult.


Q:Low-one-, mid-one-figure.


A:A cult is small.


Q:Cult writer.




Q:Actually, itís funny.


A:It is.

††††† When I think about it I laugh.


Q:Claude Lťvi-Strauss writes about the folly of ambition.


A:If Tristes Tropiques had been a novel, instead of a memoir, it would have won the Prix Goncourt.


Q:It took the form it took.


A:I donít know what form this one is.


Q:Thatís good.


A:Yes.All of them.Any of them.


Q:Daily typewriting.




Q:I think itís a novel, like Ulysses.


A:One day in Leopold Bloomís life, walking around Dublin.


Q:Samuel Beckett knew where to get the best oysters in Paris.


A:Molloy, Malone Dies, and The Unnameable are funny.





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